The Anals of Poncho Pilots History

The Poncho Pilots have been around since before History began, and they came to this dimension through a portal many times, appearing then and there, at times when and where they were needed or were inclined to travel, and their path hopped from dimension to dimension, from portal to portal, until finally they arrived here, with us, today, or yesterday, as today all too often seems to become, for the Poncho Pilots are never around for long, and as soon as they appear they disappear again, not knowing when they will next emerge or where they will show up near.


The Poncho Pilots were first seen on this planet in our time, around May 2016, in Stives, an unassuming little town in the South East of Englund, at first only witnessed by a few single individuals at chance encounters, who caught them only in glimpses, and although these glimpses were short they were enough for word to spread of the coming of something... something quite unlike  anything else before, and also very unexpected by anyone in this simple little town which boasted no remarkable artifacts or anything interesting at all.


From these scattered witness accounts a small and skeptical crowd gathered, and assembled at the place and time specified by an unknown source, as they had heard that these so called Poncho Pilots were supposed to be making an appearance, and after mingling and waiting for something to happen, this curious audience were amazed as for little more than an hour this strange and colourful apparition showed itself to them and engaged them in a dazzlement of musical spectacle that both confused and excited them and left them wanting more!


This was the first confirmed sighting of the Poncho Pilots during our time and thankfully it was to be the first of many more to come!

Now this event, though amazing, was but a spark in the night sky, and the ripples were only small against the mealstrom of events that the world besets us with, and the first appearance of the Poncho Pilots passed by without even a glimer of acknowledgement from the wider population, and other than those who saw it for themselves, and those who heard about it from those people, people were nonethewiser and still had no comprehension of the Poncho Pilots, and for all we know that is how it might have remained had it not been for a chance happening that was to bring the Poncho Pilots back to our dimension for the second time!


Arthur Tippleparp was a sound engineer at the March Music Festival, and he was putting on a show in March, in June. That is, March the place not the month. The festival was in June, in March. Anyway, not long before the festival, the opening band were taken hostage by terrorists while they were on their ill-advised tour around the Middle East, and Arthur didn't know how he was going to fill the position. He was running out of time and it looked like he was putting on a music festival without an opening act. One of his assistants, Jonny Two Shoes, told him about these guys he knew who said they knew a guy who heard from his sister's auntie that there was a band known as Poncho Pilots, not so much a band as a musical force of nature, who could be summoned and requested to appear. "Jonny that's crazy-talk!" exclaimed Arthur. "This is real life! You can't just go summoning up mystical bands out of thin air!"

    "Not out of thin air, from another dimension," said Jonny. "There's a big difference."

    "There is no difference because they are both impossible places from which to pull a band," said Arther angrily. "Now stop going on about crazyness that can't happen and help me find a band that can fill in on such short notice and also who actually exist!"


But Arthur couldn't find anyone to fill in on such short notice and as his time ran out he found himself desperately contemplating the unimaginable, about calling out to the Poncho Pilots! But he didn't know how to do it, so he rang Jonny Two Shoes in the middle of the night and asked him if he would do it.

    "You want me to try and contact the Poncho Pilots?" said Jonny on the other end of the line. "But I thought you said they didn't exist."

    "I say a lot of things Jonny, and right now I'm prepared to try anything, I'm all out of other ideas. I've tried every band in the contact book and they're all booked up, and tomorrow we're putting on a music festival without an opening act! It looks like making contact with the Poncho Pilots is the only shot we got!"

    "Well I don't know how to do it!" said Jonny.

    "But it was your idea in the first place!" said Arthur.

    "I only told you I heard about them from these guys who knew a guy who heard it from his sister's auntie's dog. I wouldn't know how to reach them even if they were real."

    "You cock!" shouted Arthur angrily as he hung up the phone and stared into the eyes of his horrid situation. "I'll do it myself," he said desperately and threw himself onto his knees and clasped his hands together and called out "Oh Poncho Pilots! Oh Poncho Pilots! I am in need of your Almighty assistance! Please, Oh Poncho Pilots, I pray to thee!" and he hung his head and breathed heavily with his eyes tight shut and half expected something to happen, and when nothing happened he wondered for a moment where all that had come from, and then felt embarrassed and ashamed and stupid and then he cried to himself on the floor of his room as the day ahead loomed and he realised he didn't know who he was any more.


Then, in the midst of his sobbing turmoil, his dispair was pierced by a signal, a beacon in the darkness. Arthur's phone bleeped as he was alerted to having received an email. He took his phone out of his pocket and tapped the envelope, and the message read: "Poncho Pilots have received your distress signal. We have plotted a course and are en route to your dimension. Poncho Pilots to the rescue! Jam Tarts x"


Arthur stared at the message suspended in disbelief, motionless, silent, perplexed. "Jam tarts?" he said.